Alone I Stand

I am invisible,

No one can see me,

No one can hurt me no more.

Love is a pain,

I bare it,

I take it,

I cherish it.

I sang for him,

I sang for my love,

Now i don't have it,

I don't have words.

I weep and I whine,

For things that was

never mine.

So now I got to stop,

I got to hold,

Coz my life is something,

I haven't sold.

Pierce me if you want,

Kill me if you can,

Coz I don't care,

I stand alone now.

(P.S. Was going through my papers and found this poem. I was surprised that i wrote this...felt good when i read it)

A Generation Awakens

Bollywood is the biggest movie producing industry in the world. It releases movies catering to different types of audiences. Some of the movies are based on biographies, some on social issues while most of them are a lovey-dovey Hollywood remakes. Such Bollywood produced movies could be catergorized as A,B,C and D. Each of the classes fulfills the requirement of a certain section of people in the society.

I am not fanatic about movies. However, there was a lot of hue-and-cry about one movies: Rang De Basanti- A generation awakens. It was recently released and there was a lot of hue and cry about it. The movie was a full 2:45 minutes flick where the story revolved around a bunch of friends.

A series of scenes where everything as just a piece of joke. The plot unfolds how a small incident changed the lives of all the characters. The characters were so nicely portrayed that it felt as if they were someone from my own group, some guy I know in the college or the boy next door. I was truly spell-bound. By the time, I came out of the hall, I was wondering what have I done for the country or even the society.

And I realised all this time what I did was I complained and pointed out the mistakes of others. I should have made an effort to correct myself, so in any case I don't fall in that category. Have I been a fool finding myself in the characters of the movie or is it really the story happening in our own society?

It's not just a question of a movie or a feature or a big speech by a big leader. It's the question every person should ask himself about his contribution to the society. The country has gone to the dogs. The question is -- IS it the people or the nation itself that is to be blamed for this? Moreover, I do not understand what the youths are doing to make a difference until now. Are we still going to blame our previous generation for the future they have given us or are we going to make it different for the next generation?

The days of the previous generation are gone. Now the future is in the hands of the youth. I know some more movies like this in the Indian society can ignite that fire, in the people to make a difference. But how long we Nepalis have to wait for that one change in ourselves to make the difference? We copy Western fashion, life style and cultures. However, when it really comes to adapting their good ethics why are we the last people in the league? Are we scared? Or do we fall in the category of people that never did and will never do anything in life? This is a question everyone should ask themselves. I have made it a point to ask myself what new thing I have done today. And, even if I wouldn't have made a difference, I will be proud that I have at least given it a try. The part of my generation within me is awakening. How about you?

(P.S. This is my first article published in daily newspaper. It was year 2005 if I am not mistaken. Even when today I read it I still feel good that I don't write but when I write,I do it from my heart.)

Rainbow over the Moon

Wide spread grey ocean
over my head,
Scattered pieces of cotton
floating on it,
Is it the reflection or the
real moon I see,
With company of trillion
stars with it.

I smile by myself,
mesmerised with the beauty,
It is something I can never describe.
I kept on looking, I kept on gazing,
Everytime I blinked, I see
a new light.

Display of cotton in
seven delights,
The rainbow which I term
was full of surprise.
The evening was never so beautiful,
with witness of the only light,
over the colours of life.

(This was written in August of 2007 at Sindhuli. Inspiration is a full moon and amazing grey rainbow seen right cross)

The Sherpa Guy

I met him at a college. Shabby hair, old jeans, recently grown beard and a confused outlook on life is how I would describe this recent SLC graduate. On the contrary, the lobby of the college did not look any different from an elaborated and lavish five star hotel lounge. The sofa was comfortable enough that anyone would have fallen asleep especially with the expensive Haier air-conditioner over your head. I pondered over the prolific investments.
Breaking the silence I asked him his story. His gullible nature shows through his words. He was a Sherpa, from a remote village in Khasa. His desire to study Hotel Management, brought him to the K-town. Frankly, I inquired if his parents could afford the tuition fee in such high profile and expensive college. He lamented that his father had left them ( his mother and him) for a YOUNGER woman. His mother, still in the village, does odd jobs for a living. Curiosity took toil in my mind and I further asked how he is going to pay the fees. He smiled and replied,” after my SLC, for three months I was collecting? Yarchagumba and made some money for my education”. I was dumb struck and spell bounded by his enthusiasm to study. But he added it’s still not enough.
After thirty minutes he came out of the administrative office. He took out a newspaper from his bag and showed me a colourful and attractive promo of the same college where in bold fonts they had promised genenrous Financial Aid( that’s the word) and Scholarship for under privileged students. He was comfortable sharing his desires, obstacles and stories to a stranger like me. He was denied of any financial aid, for his marks were not upto the college standards.
I browsed through newspapers for some more details about the plus two colleges. Every year, many new colleges are established inside the Valley only. These colleges spend minimum 50 lakhs simply on marketing and advertisements. For instance if there are 10 new colleges the marketing and total expenditure only on advertisement is 5 crores. Now, if only they take out 1 crore for financial aid for such under privileged students, who do you think will benefit at the end of it all? The student only or ????Ok even if we don’t want to take out 1 crore out of the advertisement investment, can we have atleast 1 lakh allocated to a single student who might not have the best marks or results but has the feeling to study and excel in life. If every new college take this initiative of educating one student every session, that dozens an average year. Every year the numbers will cumulate. Close to one thousand students from backward, underprivileged group will benefit in less than ten years.
This kind of youngster might not want to become a doctor or a scientist like most of the boarding school students from the big cities. But all he is asking for is a qualification and training to make his and his mother’s life a little better than now. He is hoping just to earn a living for his family. Cant a five star hotel look alike posh college affords to do that? It was just a simple signature and they would have made atleast ONE single guy capable of achieving his dreams. I am still confused. What are colleges for, Better education for better living or better advertisement for better investment return?

A Letter to Mr. Avas Karmacharya

Dear Mr. Karmacharya,

Greetings.

I would like to request you not to take the following comments too personally.Be a sport and take it as a professional as well as healthy criticism.

This is in regard to the two articles you have written in the daily newspaper"Republica'. As you know better both of them are movie reviews, one being a disappointment for you ( as you have quoted), Nepali movie "Batch No. 16" and another one is your favorite Hollywood sexual romantic flick starring Natalia Portman and Ashton Kutcher, "No Strings Attached"(NSA).

When I read your first review regarding the Nepali movie, I thought you were too negative and critical towards the Kollywood movie. But today, when I read your review of NSA, I became sure that not only you are negative but you happen to be bias as well. Comparing both of your writings, it is so clear that you have no respect for someone trying hard to make a little difference in the Nepali movie industry. I am not saying that the movie Batch No.16 is an awestruck and awesome movie and had flaws but why is the effort not appreciated?You made a very harsh comment over the actress saying all she did was show her bare skin but you were okay and happy with the explicit comedy and scenes from NSA. You have not mentioned any one slip -up of NSA, which means that movie will score ten out of ten? or wait! Is it your personal view you are giving in your reviews?

As far as I can understand, reviews are supposedly written unbiasly without your personal opinions unless you are an expert or specialist in that field. Can you enlighten us with your expertise knowledge and experience? How many movies have you made so far? How many movies you have been a part of in the making? How many years of learning do you have in this field, to make such comments? Do you think that any Hollywood movie may that be A B C D, any grade is better than a Kollywood movie? These are few questions I would like to ask you and I hope that next time when you write, please remember, someone like me is WATCHING your style of writing as well and will criticise as badly as your own writings.

I will like to mention, that I am not related to any cast or crew members of any Nepali movie and this is absolutely my opinion about your bias writing.

"Pashupatinath le hajur lai satbuddhi pradan garun"

I remain here.

Sincerely and Critically,

Miss Gorgonhead.

A Morning Dog Walk

Almost a year back my very good friend asked me to start up a blog which according to him is a good platform to express oneself. Almost a year gone by and I have not written or infact posted a single word in it. Blame it to my laziness or rather say my habit of procrastination.

So on the following day of Women's Day 2011 I sit down to write something about womanhood but not about our rights and wrongs. par jara haat ke!

After i got my new dog "Pasa", a month back, I was forced to take her for a walk everyday as per the doctor's advice. It is hard for me. Of course it is hard for anyone to get up early in the morning.Specially, when you have to check on the dog, whole night, thinking it might pee on ur expensive Tibetan carpet. Coming back to the point, we start our morning walk. And if you have a dog at home you know how difficult it is to lease train your dog. Everyday when we get out of the house, we have this tradition, which i would like to mention is developed by Pasa, that she needs to bite the lease hard and hang on it as if its gonna kill her, if she wont kill it. This ritual will go on for couple of minutes till i hit her really hard with a newspaper roll which she thinks is my weapon for her destruction.

We start walking. The first day i felt really awkward, the way people were staring at us. A puppy with a colourful sweater being walked by a FEMALE owner. Please do keep the gender part in mind. Every Tom,Dick and Harry will whistle and goes tch tch! to the dog. I have not seen them doing such actions to dogs with a MALE owner. Sorry for not mentioning this, there are couple of similar companies we encountereveryday. An old man with two small annoying obnoxious dogs who used to bully Pasa till she overgrew them, I think a police officer with a very friendly German Sheperd named Sewak ( quite a name I should say), 6-8 teenagers I meet on weekend with their respective dogs which consists of a Boxer, a Doberman, a Spitz and a small one named "Snoopy" whose breed even the owner needs to find out. Rest I have not been too friendly as the owners give an attitude that they are the superior ones.

One day when we were walking a traffic police asked her( yes he asked HER) "Where are you going with such pretty sweater?" And i was thinking you dare ask the same question to her when my brother or my dad is walking her? They wont dare. Those army platoon who goes for regular jogging in the morning they whistle which reminds me of Pluto hitting on Dinah, the Dachshund. After observing this for over three weeks, I decided to change the route and head to Tudikhel, the one and only Joggers Park in Kathmandu.

But for my dissapointment, things were worse. People would stop jogging or exercising to check a woman dog walker. What the Hell? This makes you think that even in a urban city like Kathmandu people will not accept if you try to do a little odd job like dog walking. And please walking a dog is not a male or a female specific job. She is my dog so I am the owner. A woman can be a dogs owner. A woman can be a farmer. A woman can drive a Royal Enfield with leather pants and awesome set of helmet and accessories. A woman can be a janitor. A woman can drive a truck. Why cant you men accept it?

In the end I dont see the whole point of celebrating womanhood for one day and for three hundred and sixty four days we are being treated biasly trying to make the other half, better or worse, Happy!!!