The hurt within my head,
Pounds my heart into pieces,
My legs give up in the burden of failed admiration.
Mockering at the doorsteps of life,
My eyes close down,
To save one moment of agony.
And travel to the unknown destiny,
The senseless body,
Wants to rest in peace.
When,
The warrior within, heaves the soul,
To rise again, above all distresses,
The poison of disappointments,
Cascading through the veins,
Are pushed to the edge.
The unseen,
No more will outlandish traitors,
Will banish the courage and self.
No tear will fall for their triumphs,
Over my broken wings,
As I write this note,
For the suicide of your desire,
To devour my strength.
(A thought of a zombie mind :)...comments and criticism are highly expected)
The poem is good but I see serious controversies. If you accept the existence of soul, you may not assume soul will be freed after death. Further, 'rest in peace' is more appropriate for soul not for body. The word 'hurt' may be more suitable for heart not for head. Keep writing!
ReplyDeletethank you so much Sagar....your criticism is highly appreciated...but when i write i just write...words appropriation stays out of the window ;)...but i ll make a conscious effort next time :)
Deletea masterpiece ...
ReplyDeleteWonderful poem...heart touching it is...(:p)
ReplyDeletethank youuu Nadim....appreciate it wholeheartedly! keep reading
DeleteNice poem sis! and in my opinion, 'rest in peace' can be used for the body too. It sounds more appropriate for soul, true, but using it with body doesn't make it out of place either. It's all about how you perceive things.
ReplyDeleteNo pondering !
ReplyDeleteLife gets serious as it goes !
Completely Agrees With your thought !